Abandonment.

November 14, 2015

Happy Saturday!

Let's make a disclaimer before we start this blog post: This post isn't pointing any fingers at anyone. This post isn't centered around subtweeting anyone or mentioning any person in particular... yes, there may be references to some of my failed friendships in the past, but it doesn't extend anywhere beyond that.

And I no longer feel the need to waste time hating any of the people referenced in this post either, so don't think this is out of spite or anything like that.

Anyway.

Abandonment.

This is something that a lot of teenagers around my age understand extremely well... I would say that they know this topic much more than the one they should know better... loving themselves.

So what am I going to talk about in this? I'm definitely going to share with you my experiences and such and also attempt to provide advice on how to deal with abandonment. And, for the record, this is going to mostly focus on friendship abandonment.

In a future post, you will learn that I have these people who I refer to as anchors. These are the people that I believe keep me grounded and safe and happy- they are my best friends. Throughout grade school in the Groton Public School District, I've made many friends, some of whom I still talk to and some who I don't. Some of these friends that I've made have gone to become some of my anchors, and I'm happy to say that I still have most of them, but some anchors developed rust and have since broken off.

My biggest anchor loss was because of something I mentioned last week. They and I became a symbiotic cesspool of chaotic unhealthiness; either of us weren't okay with being by ourselves and being alone so we clung to each other and rested our happiness on each other. Throughout some situations and problems that we went through, they and I knew that we needed a break from each other to learn more about ourselves when we separated from each other, we just didn't know how to bring it up to one another. Stresses kept piling up on top of each other and eventually they decided a clean break was necessary- no communication of any sort. In the end, it worked out for the both of us. I believe that we are both better people now than when we were friends even if we now have morals that are clearly and distinctly different. I still talk to them from time to time, and I think that's healthy too, as long as we don't get caught up in trying to make an effort in making each other happy. I'm happy with where we are now and I don't know about the future, but for right now it's a very good circumstance.

Other anchor losses have hurt more than this one, specifically because these were people that I let lean on me. These were people that I have supported throughout all of the rough patches in their lives. I was an excellent friend to them and led myself to believe that they were good enough friends to me. I was wrong. They were only "good enough" when they wanted to be, not when I needed them to be. Eventually through all the hurt and personal growth that I've gone through, I've decided that these people weren't good enough for my flawlessness and I cut them off. Yes, they're always welcome to second chances... for one of them, many chances... but ultimately I don't allow myself to become emotional for these people. I don't allow myself to give them trust or allow them to make such an impact on my life any longer.

But because of these "abandonment issues" that I had developed because of these people, I had learned that it had become really hard for me to trust new people in my life, new people who have become stronger anchors than these people from the past. Eventually I had to learn to get over that with the help of some of these new friends and anchors, but it was a long process and sometimes these trust issues resurface.

Especially when rust develops on other anchors.

I can't offer advice on how to keep rust from gathering on your anchors besides being honest and loving and passionate toward your friends, but advice for the whole abandonment process is this:

Some people will leave your life, but I totally promise you that it's for the better. You will learn more about yourself and that person when given reasons as to why they've left you, and that's exactly what you'll need at the time, but you can't let it get to you. You just need to become a better you; a great you, a flawless you. Don't let your regrets hold you down when you'll have such a better future. You're eventually going to have to learn from these experiences, be sad for a little while, get over it, and move on with your life.

Also try not to be the person that abandons another person! Work through all of the problems you have with the friend you plan on leaving, and if they don't understand, then maybe you should consider letting them go. But don't just give up on someone. Give them a chance. Give them time. Help them to love themselves and, of course, love yourself.

Thanks for reading this week's post!