'Ohana & Anchors
Happy Saturday!
Okay, so I know that I've been super lazy lately with the blog stuff, but I assure you that I was spending my time wisely studying and then hanging out with friends and family over vacation. It's been such a long while... I'm very sorry for that, but hey! It's 2016, a new year, and with that (after two weeks into the new year and over a month of hiatus) a new post! Yay!
I wrote this like two weeks ago omg I'm so sorry that I suck.
I know I'm the worst.
I also suck because I wanted to make this post about 10 weeks ago.
Whoops.
I know I reeeeaaaallllly suck.
But let's get relevant and begin this post, shall we?
'Ohana & Anchors. What does that mean?
Well I mean the first part of that is probably really obvious... y'know the Hawaiian term made popular by the 2002 Disney Movie Lilo & Stitch: "'Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind... or forgotten." (Did that date placement make you feel a little old? Yeah, that movie was released just about 14 years ago... That's the age of some high school freshmen.)
So yeah. 'Ohana means family.
But what about the definition of anchors?
I know this is cliché, but the Oxford English Dictionary defines a figurative anchor as "that which gives the feeling of stability or security; a ground or source of abiding confidence." That's exactly what I mean by an anchor.
Specifically this is applicable to the people that I hold dear in my heart, like, but not exclusively, my family, my literal 'ohana.
This post is about just that, anchors in my life, otherwise known as baes, or as one of my really new anchor's terms it with her group of friends, a personal 'ohana.
Note: The word "'ohana" was used as both a reference point for people who've watched the movie or know the Hawaiian culture as well as a tribute to a person who is part of my 'ohana. From this point on, I'm going to primarily use the word "anchor" to describe what I mean, but the two words can easily be used interchangeably.
Take an exploration into yourself with me. Who are the people, besides your actual blood relatives, that you would really count as your anchors? The people who literally give the feeling of stability or security? Your sources of abiding confidence? For me, I think I have a good handful or two of people that I would consider like that. A couple of these people I talk to nearly everyday, some I talk to occasionally; either way these are my friends who I love very much, who have come such a long way with me, who I confide in fairly often, who I trust with my heart, who I hold extremely high up. Not all of these people are abundantly in my social media feeds flooding me with love constantly, and that's because not all of my anchors are featured in the limelight like that, but they truly are my best friends, my rocks, my go-to people when I am in need. These are the people that keep up with my blog constantly.
These are the people that truly understand me and all of my complex multi-dimensional inner workings, These are the people that I feel like I can be 100% me when I'm around them and provide them with the utmost honesty and respect that I can provide.
Almost all of these people have also undergone the Velda Williams test, approval from my mother, which is also a very good thing.
These people I can trust to be by my side if I ever need them, if I ever fall, and I could never be more than thankful to them. Who are those people for you? Count your blessings, guys. It's really important that you have people to trust like this, and don't be afraid to give yourself to them and ask them to give themselves to you; you deserve friendships like these, each and everyone of you. Yeah, there may be times when you argue or get into a disagreement with one of these people, but that's okay. Once you've fully come to terms with yourself and fully love yourself and care about this relationship, then you and that other person could have a worthwhile, mature, rational conversation about this fight or disagreement. Be honest. Be open. And you know what can be the greatest result from these conversations?
YOU GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON AND CONTINUE TO LOVE EACH OTHER LIKE YOU'VE ALWAYS DONE.
Sometimes this isn't exactly the easy thing to do, though. Some fights, I know, especially, can be irreconcilable; you can have irreconcilable differences with a person that you used to, and probably, in a way, still love. This happens to married couples all the time. Sometimes divorce is a really good and healthy thing. Sometimes realizing that an anchor is toxic is a really good thing. Sometimes realizing that you want that person in your life, but they aren't the best for you, is a good thing. You can still be friends, but it might be hard to trust them if you seriously can't get over what the fight was about.
Maybe you find that person selfish, or controlling, or negative, or mean, or even overly-positive and naive... it's okay to think about that relationship and let it evolve into something different that isn't necessarily an anchor anymore.
There will be people like that. And these experiences can be either negative or positive.
HOW, you ask, CAN THESE TYPES OF EXPERIENCES BE POSITIVE?
Well... If you two, together, have a conversation and realize that the relationship you have isn't the healthiest or the best for either of you and decide to come up with a different approach altogether, then yeah, of course it's a positive experience. This is super mature and shows a lot of personal growth and that's really good for both of you to realize that even if you're losing a friendship or the type of friendship you've had. These types of people could have been transitional anchors in your life. People that you needed then, but can't continue to need in the future.
There are many different ways that these experiences can be negative, however.
One important way is if you find a person to be your anchor and they promise you with all their might that they are a good friend for you and will always be by your side, but fail to meet your expectations, then of course they can be negative. There are two types of people who are like this, and I've experienced both.
There are the people that just didn't care about you. They could live with or without you. They are going to use you up and not ever reciprocate the same feelings you have for them. These people may be a complete waste of space for you, but just think of how much personal growth you've received from being broken by these people and putting yourself back together with your true anchors.
The other type of people who are like this are the ones who are just really dumb and can't look past their own myopic point of view. They basically do the same thing as the people above, but of course, it's out of their own stupidity, and there's no way you can save them other than either having a conversation with them about it or letting them go.
Other negative aspects of anchors could be a group of anchors clouding your judgement and point of view and making you lose touch with yourself. This has happened to me, too, but as we've all matured and blossomed, I think that the bad situations that have come out of that happen far less often and there is a lot more healthiness to be found there. This growth within the group can occur with healthy conversations, being honest, and giving a lot of trust and passion into what you believe in.
If you keep either types of these anchors, any of the negative ones, and the transitional types, tied down to you, then the toxicity will start to cultivate, and these anchors will never let up and will start to rust and will tie you down. You have to be out in the open sea at some point and these will prevent you. You have to let go.
The last aspect of anchors is sort of melancholy. There are anchors that can drift in and out of your lives a lot, people that have been an extreme contribution to your growth as an individual, whether this type of relationship has ended before in a bad way or a good way. These types of relationships are kind of unpredictable and you don't know what lies ahead in the future for you and them, and that's okay. Maybe one day you can try to take small steps in defining what your relationship is, and slowly grow together and apart. Be safe within yourself and give trust little-by-little. You might conclude that it was never meant to be, or that this person is part of your select true anchors. Trust yourself and your judgments and you should be okay.
Most of all, show that you love and care about the people that are part of your 'ohana. Maybe give letters to your anchors, telling them what purpose they serve in your life and toward your growth as a brilliant and bright, strong, independent beam.
I know I'm definitely doing that extremely soon.
Thanks for reading.
Next Post: Needs vs. Wants
When?: Saturday, February 13th, 2016
Okay, so I know that I've been super lazy lately with the blog stuff, but I assure you that I was spending my time wisely studying and then hanging out with friends and family over vacation. It's been such a long while... I'm very sorry for that, but hey! It's 2016, a new year, and with that (after two weeks into the new year and over a month of hiatus) a new post! Yay!
I wrote this like two weeks ago omg I'm so sorry that I suck.
I know I'm the worst.
I also suck because I wanted to make this post about 10 weeks ago.
Whoops.
I know I reeeeaaaallllly suck.
But let's get relevant and begin this post, shall we?
'Ohana & Anchors. What does that mean?
Well I mean the first part of that is probably really obvious... y'know the Hawaiian term made popular by the 2002 Disney Movie Lilo & Stitch: "'Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind... or forgotten." (Did that date placement make you feel a little old? Yeah, that movie was released just about 14 years ago... That's the age of some high school freshmen.)
So yeah. 'Ohana means family.
But what about the definition of anchors?
I know this is cliché, but the Oxford English Dictionary defines a figurative anchor as "that which gives the feeling of stability or security; a ground or source of abiding confidence." That's exactly what I mean by an anchor.
Specifically this is applicable to the people that I hold dear in my heart, like, but not exclusively, my family, my literal 'ohana.
This post is about just that, anchors in my life, otherwise known as baes, or as one of my really new anchor's terms it with her group of friends, a personal 'ohana.
Note: The word "'ohana" was used as both a reference point for people who've watched the movie or know the Hawaiian culture as well as a tribute to a person who is part of my 'ohana. From this point on, I'm going to primarily use the word "anchor" to describe what I mean, but the two words can easily be used interchangeably.
Take an exploration into yourself with me. Who are the people, besides your actual blood relatives, that you would really count as your anchors? The people who literally give the feeling of stability or security? Your sources of abiding confidence? For me, I think I have a good handful or two of people that I would consider like that. A couple of these people I talk to nearly everyday, some I talk to occasionally; either way these are my friends who I love very much, who have come such a long way with me, who I confide in fairly often, who I trust with my heart, who I hold extremely high up. Not all of these people are abundantly in my social media feeds flooding me with love constantly, and that's because not all of my anchors are featured in the limelight like that, but they truly are my best friends, my rocks, my go-to people when I am in need. These are the people that keep up with my blog constantly.
These are the people that truly understand me and all of my complex multi-dimensional inner workings, These are the people that I feel like I can be 100% me when I'm around them and provide them with the utmost honesty and respect that I can provide.
Almost all of these people have also undergone the Velda Williams test, approval from my mother, which is also a very good thing.
These people I can trust to be by my side if I ever need them, if I ever fall, and I could never be more than thankful to them. Who are those people for you? Count your blessings, guys. It's really important that you have people to trust like this, and don't be afraid to give yourself to them and ask them to give themselves to you; you deserve friendships like these, each and everyone of you. Yeah, there may be times when you argue or get into a disagreement with one of these people, but that's okay. Once you've fully come to terms with yourself and fully love yourself and care about this relationship, then you and that other person could have a worthwhile, mature, rational conversation about this fight or disagreement. Be honest. Be open. And you know what can be the greatest result from these conversations?
YOU GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON AND CONTINUE TO LOVE EACH OTHER LIKE YOU'VE ALWAYS DONE.
Sometimes this isn't exactly the easy thing to do, though. Some fights, I know, especially, can be irreconcilable; you can have irreconcilable differences with a person that you used to, and probably, in a way, still love. This happens to married couples all the time. Sometimes divorce is a really good and healthy thing. Sometimes realizing that an anchor is toxic is a really good thing. Sometimes realizing that you want that person in your life, but they aren't the best for you, is a good thing. You can still be friends, but it might be hard to trust them if you seriously can't get over what the fight was about.
Maybe you find that person selfish, or controlling, or negative, or mean, or even overly-positive and naive... it's okay to think about that relationship and let it evolve into something different that isn't necessarily an anchor anymore.
There will be people like that. And these experiences can be either negative or positive.
HOW, you ask, CAN THESE TYPES OF EXPERIENCES BE POSITIVE?
Well... If you two, together, have a conversation and realize that the relationship you have isn't the healthiest or the best for either of you and decide to come up with a different approach altogether, then yeah, of course it's a positive experience. This is super mature and shows a lot of personal growth and that's really good for both of you to realize that even if you're losing a friendship or the type of friendship you've had. These types of people could have been transitional anchors in your life. People that you needed then, but can't continue to need in the future.
There are many different ways that these experiences can be negative, however.
One important way is if you find a person to be your anchor and they promise you with all their might that they are a good friend for you and will always be by your side, but fail to meet your expectations, then of course they can be negative. There are two types of people who are like this, and I've experienced both.
There are the people that just didn't care about you. They could live with or without you. They are going to use you up and not ever reciprocate the same feelings you have for them. These people may be a complete waste of space for you, but just think of how much personal growth you've received from being broken by these people and putting yourself back together with your true anchors.
The other type of people who are like this are the ones who are just really dumb and can't look past their own myopic point of view. They basically do the same thing as the people above, but of course, it's out of their own stupidity, and there's no way you can save them other than either having a conversation with them about it or letting them go.
Other negative aspects of anchors could be a group of anchors clouding your judgement and point of view and making you lose touch with yourself. This has happened to me, too, but as we've all matured and blossomed, I think that the bad situations that have come out of that happen far less often and there is a lot more healthiness to be found there. This growth within the group can occur with healthy conversations, being honest, and giving a lot of trust and passion into what you believe in.
If you keep either types of these anchors, any of the negative ones, and the transitional types, tied down to you, then the toxicity will start to cultivate, and these anchors will never let up and will start to rust and will tie you down. You have to be out in the open sea at some point and these will prevent you. You have to let go.
The last aspect of anchors is sort of melancholy. There are anchors that can drift in and out of your lives a lot, people that have been an extreme contribution to your growth as an individual, whether this type of relationship has ended before in a bad way or a good way. These types of relationships are kind of unpredictable and you don't know what lies ahead in the future for you and them, and that's okay. Maybe one day you can try to take small steps in defining what your relationship is, and slowly grow together and apart. Be safe within yourself and give trust little-by-little. You might conclude that it was never meant to be, or that this person is part of your select true anchors. Trust yourself and your judgments and you should be okay.
Most of all, show that you love and care about the people that are part of your 'ohana. Maybe give letters to your anchors, telling them what purpose they serve in your life and toward your growth as a brilliant and bright, strong, independent beam.
I know I'm definitely doing that extremely soon.
Thanks for reading.
Next Post: Needs vs. Wants
When?: Saturday, February 13th, 2016
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