Brown & Black: Progress & Pride

Hello and Welcome to the last blogpost in my PRIDE! Series!

August

• At the end of July, Beyoncé released the film companion to her love letter to Africa- The Lion King: The Gift- "Black is King" on Disney+. While I remain challenged and continuously grapple with this presentation of the music, her status as both Black Woman and capitalist, and her vision of Africa, I cannot underestimate its beauty, captivation, and the wonderful story within and surrounding the music of the album. I appreciate "Black is King" for what it is and will always attempt to understand its- and her- limitations as part of that appreciation.
• On August 1st I moved into my first-year apartment for grad school and on the 2nd I officially met Will in person! I am continuously blessed by his presence, how much he challenges me, and the strong friendship we seem to be building. I'm grateful to have him become more and more of what I define as home and family and I'm excited to have him as a partner-in-crime during this stage of my journey. 
• On the 6th I was supposed to go to California, but obviously COVID is still a thing AND I was working a job that didn't really have room for me to take a day off. 
• On the 12th I met with DivOut, a YDS campus ministry dedicated to supporting and uplifting a community of queer and queer-adjacent folx here! I'm thankful for this resource. 
• On the 14th my coworkers and I had a potluck. It was a great opportunity to talk about work, our future goals, and to be in community during this tough time. 
• On the 15th, Roddy, Rebekah, Cherice, and I went up to Waltham to check out Roddy's apartment and grad school. It was a great opportunity for us to travel a little bit and spend some quality time with one another. I'm thankful for Alexa for meeting up with us and for allowing herself to be a resource for Roddy during his transition, and I'm thankful I got to see Calli, Will, and Rachel before Calli left Boston. 
• A few times in the month you know I was still meeting with my therapist!
• Also, through the month, Rhonda was giving me trouble because she hates me. But she's still kicking so that's good! 👀👀
• On the 20th, I met my advisor, Willie Jennings, a world-renowned theologian known for his work in African diasporic and liberation scholarship. He made me feel welcomed and affirmed in my calling and I'm really grateful to have him in my corner.
• On the 21st, Roddy, Rebekah, and my journey with LifeBridge Urban Scholars Youth Program came to an end. The last week we spent time making sure the kids felt appreciated, loved, and cared for. I felt affirmed in my abilities to mentor and help guide youth and I'm thankful for the opportunity to do so, overall. You know I cried on that last day! I'm thankful for the kids that I met and for my partner Savannah for going through the trials and tribulations of working with 8 teenagers during COVID at a summer camp!
• On the 22nd I went home for the first time in a bit to have a last trip home for Roddy & Rebekah and to bring Will for the first time. We went to Pink Basil, saw Liz and Evan in the Arboretum and spent some time in nature there, hung out with my mom for a bit, and ended the night at Misquamicut- before we got locked into the parking area and had to call the local police to let us out which was so embarrassing. Overall, though, it was a great trip. 
• On the 24th I met with the Andover Newton community for the first time. I'm grateful for this additional support system within Yale Divinity School. 
• On the 25th, Will and I had a call with mentor, queen, fave, teacher, professor Ilyse Morgenstein Fuerst about Podcasting! It was an elucidatory call and I'm excited and ready to continue the journey that Will and I are headed on with creating this together. 
• On the 26th, I finally got rid of Roddy & Rebekah! (You know I cried!) No, but, seriously- I'm so very thankful for their love, challenging spirits, and for the ability to live, exist, and be in community with them. That living and work experience was a big challenge, but we were able to make it through it together. I am eternally grateful for their friendship and for their pushing me to grow. I'm sad to have seen them leave, excited for their respective journeys in grad school, and thankful for their presence in my life. I love them so much. 
• On the 27th I picked up my ID Card at the Quad!
• On the 29th I went home, watched Umbrella Academy with my mom, and caught up with Aaron Lewis! It was really nice to see him before he moved on up to Boston!
• On the 30th I hosted an outdoor, socially-distant, Emmaus reunion. It was nice to catch up with a few folk and I'm thankful for those who showed up. I can't wait until the world is normal again and I can hug my Emmaus family. 
• On the 31st I started classes! This semester I'm taking Old Testament Interpretation I, History of Early Christianity, Ministry and the Disinherited, and Pastoral Perspectives on Death & Dying. Although it's difficult to have started this program online, I'm thankful for the professors who are doing their best to make sure everything is going as smoothly as possible; for my classmates for continuously attempting to build and develop community; and for the readings which, although there are a lot of them, have further affirmed my feelings of belongedness and have washed away some of those feelings of impostor syndrome. I'm beginning to know that this was the right call for me.

Brown & Black: Progress & Pride

When I was originally conceiving of this blog journey, at the beginning of 2020, I talked about the impetus behind including a post centered around the colors of Brown and Black. Back then I personally best identified with a revised version of the flag that the city of Philadelphia adopted in June 2017. This version of the flag added black and brown stripes to the top of the flag in order to draw attention to the, sometimes more specific, issues that queer and trans people of color (QTPOC) face within, amongst, and around the queer/trans communities.

Currently, at this point in my life, I more identify with this version of the flag: 

LGBTQ+ rainbow flag ("Progress" variant) at EuroPride 2019

The Progress variant of the flag was released in June 2018 by designer Daniel Quasar and was based on the Philly flag and the trans pride flag to bring focus on inclusion and progress in the community. It points to the right to showcase forward movement, while the inclusions of the identities along the left are meant to highlight points of progress that still need to be made. 

Spoiler, but I'm going to have a bonus blog post for this series later this month which will go into more depth as to why this version of the flag has become salient for me. 

This post is meant to be a reflection of the series thus far and the pride I feel in general. 

In the past, I felt as if my summaries have been a rehashing of material that you could simply read (or, perhaps have already read!) yourself, so for the sake of saving my energy and yours, I'm going to keep it incredibly brief. 

Red: Life was the premiere post in the series and it focused on my queer life so far, how I've come to realize my queerness, and my plan for the series in general. 

Orange: Healing focused on healing practices and unpacking emotional trauma. It utilized influence from The School of Life and the show Steven Universe. 

Yellow: Sunshine was a collection of photos that showcased sources of Love, Light, and Truth. 

Green: Nature was a love letter to Nature. 

Blue: Harmony allowed me to discuss transformative experiences that, subsequently, brought me into Harmony with much of the inner workings of my whole being. I also talked about places in my life that felt disharmonious and required me to grow into still. 

Purple: Spirit was dedicated to how God Forms Me with a Purpose. 

A huge source of pride and renewal for me is seeing people that look like me in powerful roles, and in powerful images. I also have always loved the world of superheroes and supernatural abilities. This was an important part of bonding between my father and I when I was a kid, and I see my relationship and my eternal internal struggle associated with it through Black Panther. These are among the many reasons why it is one of my favorite movies. 

I'm thankful for the real life superhero of Chadwick Boseman and for how many powerfully black roles he brought to life on screen. To think that he was dealing with an illness so severe behind the scenes astonishes and inspires me. I'm still grieving and processing his passing, and I'm grateful for his legacy and example of pure excellence. I hope that I'm able to emulate even 1% of that energy in the life that I live.

Overall, throughout this series I've felt an immense amount of pride in myself: pride in the fact that I was able to talk about things that were uncomfortable for me to talk about; pride in coming so far in embracing this part of myself and for loving myself through that learning and grappling and embracing; pride in how intimately I was able to explore my mind and share it with people. 

"That's why I live. I'm so lucky and grateful that I'm able to take all these crazy ideas and actually make them into something that [hopefully] heals people, that may spark vision in people. That shows them to dream big, that shows them that they are limitless." -Bey, Homecoming 

In the unpacking of this identity, and in the intersection of this identity with my black identity, (along with all the other ones that I hold!) I want to be a beacon; a source of hope, love, light, truth, of comfort. 

As I've stated multiple times, my goal in life is to provide meaning-making resources to marginalized youth, specifically QTPOC. I don't know what this looks like exactly yet. Developing my own community center run by QTPOC? Providing therapy? Programming? Religious services and rituals?

I believe that "my job is to somehow make them curious enough or to persuade them by hook or crook to get more aware of themselves and where they came from and what they are into and what is already there and just to bring it out. This is what compels me to compel them. And I will do it by whatever means necessary."- Nina Simone

For right now, that's through processing my traumas, through this blog, through therapy, in conversations with friends and family. 

For right now, that means doing this work for myself- allowing myself to become more and more aware of myself and where I came from and what I'm into and what is already present within and amongst myself. 

I have a dream that I hope will never waver. I have a dream that feels more real than any other dream I've ever had for my life. I have made it to this point and I am so fucking proud of myself.

I'm proud of myself for existing. 

I'm proud of myself for having the will to get up everyday and continue to exist, even when I don't want to 60% of the time, it seems, right now, in this part of my life. 

I'm proud of myself for loving and caring so passionately for the people in my life. 

I'm proud of myself for learning what that means for myself. 

I'm proud of myself for getting into Yale Divinity School and UConn's School of Social Work which will help me realize my dream.

I'm proud of myself for becoming so vulnerable and emotionally present. 

I'm proud of myself for constantly growing, expanding, and evolving. 

I'm proud of this blog. 

I'm proud of the progress I've already made and will continue to make. 

I hope I make you proud too. 

Thanks for reading.