2020

Hello & Look at this quick turn around in posts!
If you haven't already, please read my last blog post released a few days ago: "The 2010s"
This serves as an overview of the past decade and is very much connected to this post because of that.

Anyhow, let's do a recap of the last month:

December

• December is always an extremely emotional rollercoaster for me, and this year was not different. 
• The month started off with my 22nd birthday on the 2nd- as I've said in a previous post, transitions are oftentimes difficult periods for me. Something that was particularly difficult about them is establishing traditions with new people- for me, my birthday is always meant to be a celebration of life. After being at UVM for the past four years, and having a tradition I followed with that, it was weird to be in a completely different place with brand new people. Thankfully, I've found love among the people I work with and so I spent the day in love and community, even if it was the Monday after a short break. 
• We had Parent-Teacher(&Fellow) Conferences at Great Oaks. It was great meeting a few parents and discussing their child's progress.
• I further celebrated my birthday on December 14th with 8 great buds at Great Oaks by heading on down to Westport and enjoying some ~delicious~ Korean BBQ. It was nice to share drinks, joy, and food with friends!
• We then started Winter Break from Great Oaks after being extremely dissatisfied with our new housing situation (a story for another time)
• The first thing I did on break was go to the first thing I've planned for the Emmaus Community, a reunion! The attendance was less than it has been in the past, but it was great to see some old friends and to share love, warmth, presence, songs, and food with one another! I can't wait for the next one!
• I sang with my church choir for one last time under Robin Crandall's direction for our Christmas Eve Service- Robin was the first person who taught me how to read music and sing and act, and I'm thankful for the many years in which she has served our congregation. I hope retirement is good for her and that she gets the chance to relax!
• For the break I spent a lot of time in bed with a lot of ~negative thoughts~ which wasn't great, but also I caught up on rest, which is what I needed. 
• Christmas was alright
• On the 27th, I went up to Burlington, mostly to visit Joyce. I was able to visit Ilyse, my fave professor and mentor during this whole grad app process, and hangout with her and her 2 year old. It was a good visit that showed me a little bit more of what I want in my future, inclusive of how I want to raise my children. I also got to visit with Laura and share in some Friendly Toast with her. It was nice to catch up and talk about our faith, relationships, and love. I'm thankful for her willingness to share her experience with me and how it guides me. Joyce and I got to share amazing food with each other, as we always do when we see one another, we watched Homecoming one more time, we danced and laughed and had fun hitting the town, and we shared physical space, which was nice after being away from each other for a few months. I love her so dearly and am always glad for opportunities to see her. 
• December 29th was the 9th anniversary of my father's passing. I spent the time being reflective, writing my blog post, and being alone for most of the day. 
• I rang in the new year with some very good friends- Liz B., Rachel M., Mikey, and Liz J. I'm thankful for these peoples' presences in my life and am so excited for our friendships to continue into 2020. It was the exact type of new year celebration I think I needed. 

And that brings us to 2020.
This post is meant to be part-resolution, part-reflection, part-hopeful wishing for what the future has in store. This post is ALSO the close of this part of my Exploration of Self Series.

For me, "new" times are always transformative experiences- everyday is a separate journey on this ~wild ride~ called life, but new years are especially exciting, let alone NEW DECADES. In celebration of this renewal of energy, commitments to the self in the form of resolutions, and celebration of life's journey and experiences, I want to share what I hope this year (and decade) will bring for me. 

I'm attempting to be really mindful about my resolutions, because I really do want to dedicate the 20's, and my 20's (and earliest 30's 😨😬) to continual growth and becoming a better and better person with each passing day. I wanted to be realistic- so that I'm not extremely disappointed in myself if my goals aren't met (i.e. how many years have I said I would lose weight and have done the opposite?). Additionally, I wanted to make sure I covered multiple areas of my life so that I can feel the most fulfilled I can be, and I wanted all of my resolutions to be aided my personal reflection, in the terms of written content, but also through this blog. 

Without further ado, my 2020 Resolutions: 

1. More Time Alone: This is a really interesting resolution for me, because I identify as mostly an extravert, in that I derive a lot of energy by being near people. I used to be so afraid of spending time alone, because this meant I was alone with my thoughts, I was missing out on things my friends were doing, and I was missing experiences in general. As I've gotten older, I've come to notice how overstimulated being around many people could be, especially if I feel like I have to put up a mask to be tolerable. I've done work in being less worried about this mask, but also in relishing and enjoying my alone time- especially when I can just spend a day in a coffee shop, working on a blog post or reading, and just existing, rather than always doing. In 2020, I want to be more creative about the spaces in which I spend time alone, as well as what I'm doing I'm doing in this alone time. I also want to work on saying no to people for plans when I've already dedicated a day to being by myself- which has already gotten easier with the amount of friends I have left in Groton. 
2. Practice Mindfulness: I think this is an important step in my life journey in general, but especially for my diet and weight. In the past, I've tried to dedicate resolutions to losing weight, or working on my diet, or the like, but the issue that needs to be addressed, that's the root of all the "issues" I experience in this particular realm of life, are associated with mindfulness. I want to be more intentional about my workouts, which is why I now have a workout journal in which I'm going to plan my daily workouts so I feel sore in the places I want to, I'm carefully choosing what I'm doing before going into the gym, and I have another method in order to stay accountable. In terms of food, this means being more mindful about what I'm eating- how much I'm consuming in terms of resources and animal life, how much I'm consuming in general, and what I'm choosing to supply my body with. I've struggled with this recently, because I've had these overwhelming cravings, but I think practicing mindfulness will help me to be more disciplined about my eating habits.
• Cutting out certain foods from my diet has been something I've done to discipline myself in the past. Because I was eating so many McChickens at the end of 2018, I committed to not consuming any McDonald's for all of 2019. I've met this goal- and I'm going to continue not eating it because it really isn't good for me and there are other places I could support with my money for better sandwiches- like Popeye's. ;) I no longer feel constrained to not eat McDonald's, but honestly, let's see how far I can go. 
• I've had too much Chinese food in the past few weeks, so a goal for January is to not consume any Chinese food. Perhaps I can give myself a monthly challenge to keep up with healthier eating habits?
3. Exploration of my Identities: This. Is. A. Lifelong. Journey! (But also, they all are) In general, I think this exploration can be done through my blogs (hint for what's coming for a 2020 blog series), through conversations with friends and family, in reading, in dating, and in personal reflection. Not only am I hoping to continue my scholarship journey in 2020 (just gotta finish my applications!), I'm hoping that I use more of my free time to read, intentionally watch films and shows meant to represent my personal experience, and to reflect and write. Social Work and Divinity school would both help be explore my identities through all the methods in which I want: literature, media, and personal reflection, while also making me really excited to be able to experience education I'm extremely passionate in. I'm so excited to explore social systems and structures and do the work to topple them down! I'm ready to know myself deeper and to love that self even more! 

I'm ready for what 2020 has in store for me and the effort I'm going to put in to make the 20's a transformative decade. I can't wait to see the person that I am in 2029 and can't wait to share my experiences with the people I love currently and will love in the future. 

I'm excited for living. 

I'm excited to try and keep this energy going all 2020 long. 

Thank you for watching my journey and being a part of the 2010's with me. 

Happy New Year & Decade! Here's to 2020.

Thanks for Reading!